Why I donated 200 hours this year to Beyond the Sparkle Foundation

Give me 3 minutes of your time and I'll tell you why I volunteer hours after work and on weekends creating the website, marketing collateral, email newsletters, video and research.

Where I'm from

Agile's Mom - 1990s

One of my earliest memories is of violence in one of the neighborhoods Beyond The Sparkle now serves.

My father asked me to open the door to my grandfather's apartment because he wanted to see me. When I opened it, he ran past me, up the stairs and stabbed my then 19-year old mother. It left her with a scar on her forehead and she wore bangs to hide it. Everyone else just thought she was fly.

I grew up with my grandparents in the Frazier Court Projects. My grandparents valued education, their faith, and were faithful to each other. I grew up hearing them whispering sincere prayers for each other even after disagreements. They were married for just short of 50 years when my grandmother passed away.

Contrary to popular belief, my mom had a strong and loving father figure in the home. Her mother was attentive and loving. She became pregnant at 16 and it wasn't because my grandparents neglected her.

It wasn't her fault, but that's not what I heard

My mother first experienced relationship violence in the 1980s when she was 16 or 17 years old. Volunteering for BTSF I learned that even though dating violence is on the decline, young black people experience dating violence at a higher rate than other groups.

Mid 90s. Things were looking up.

My mom left my dad and went on to be successful after going to school, working 2 jobs and getting into accounting. On her climb up, she met a man who attended church, from a 2-parent home, in a middle class neighborhood, and he valued education. She thought he was perfect, until he put her in the hospital.

I heard the gossip about my mother, but I didn't hear people say how difficult it was to put her life back together and trust herself again. She had some advantages. She was lucky because she made enough money to rotate staying at hotels for extended periods of time. She learned she had to evade him after years of trying to get away from him.

People didn't talk about how her abuser hid outside of her workplace and threatened her, putting her job at risk. But spending my time working on Beyond the Sparkle Foundation, I learned that many other women experience this, too.

Her abuser's parents said that she should leave, and each time my mom tried -- he stalked her. He stole her car, called obsessively, and threatened her for months. I was a witness. At BTSF, I learned that leaving can be the most dangerous time for victims and that victims can experience ongoing harassment, sometimes for up to two years after they leave.

Late 90s

Rebuilding and Growth

My mom found support with counselors, church programs, and friends even though he tried to isolate her. My mother taught me that beauty, a cute shape, success, 2 parents, or a loving home weren't protection from abuse.

Once free from that relationship my mom got her passport, traveled, took guitar lessons, taught cycling classes, ran a 10k, learned the bare minimum of Spanish (I'm not kidding, it wasn't good). She taught me the art of reinvention.

In 2014, my mom was diagnosed with Lymphoma and passed away in 2015. I found the courage as an adult to ask my mom about that time my dad hurt her. She was shocked that I remembered and said that she never knew I saw it. Something that I've learned is a common belief of parents in unhealthy relationships.

Just a few last thoughts and we're done

Beyond the Sparkle works to make sure that someone hears and knows that beneath the statistic, there is a real human story.

When I volunteer, I honor my mother's memory. My mom shared her story with young women without fear. She talked about recovery and how independence was empowering. She donated money and clothing to women's charities. She met people were they were most comfortable. It's the same spirit and energy behind Beyond the Sparkle Foundation.

I volunteer because my mom taught me that when survivors talk about facts, we make it harder for people to hide behind the fictions of abuse.

That's why I support Beyond the Sparkle Foundation. It's why I hope you'll support Beyond the Sparkle, too.

Pick up a shirt, commit to volunteer, or donate this year in the name of someone you love. It doesn't have to be with us, just make sure to help in any way you can.

Thank you!

Member Name: Agile

Member Role: Digital Lead/Tech Volunteer