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Survivors need support and planning to leave. 

What is a safety plan?

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action and more.

Safety planning while living with your abuser

Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can judge the risk of physical danger to you and your children before it occurs.
 

  • Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape.

    • If arguments occur, try to move to those areas.

  • If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target.

    • Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers together.

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  • Have a phone at all times and know what numbers to call for help.

    • Know where the nearest public phone is located.

    • Know the phone number to your local shelter.

    • If your life is in danger, call the police.

  • Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation.

  • ​Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.

  • Develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help.

  • Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.

  • Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. 

  • Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.

Safety Planning with children

If you are in an abusive relationship, a safety plan should include ways that your children can stay safe when violence is happening in your home.

 

Remember that if the violence is escalating, you should avoid running to the children because your partner may hurt them as well.

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Practice how to get out safely with your children and alone.

Children need to understand it's not their fault. 

  • Teach your children when and how to call 911.

  • Tell them to leave the home if possible when things begin to escalate, and where they can go.

  • Come up with a code word that you can say when they need to leave the home in case of an emergency  — make sure that they know not to tell others what the secret word means.

  • Teach your children how to get help.

  • Tell them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner.

  • Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.​

  • Teach your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent.

  • Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence.

  • Teach them that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe.

  • Plan for what you will do if your child tells your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.

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  • Identify a room kids can go to in the house when they’re afraid and something they can think about when they’re scared.

  • Tell them to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom and other areas where there are items that could be used as weapons.

  • Teach them that although they want to protect their parent, they should never intervene.

  • Help them make a list of people that they are comfortable talking with and expressing themselves to.

  • Enroll them in a counseling program. Local service providers often have children’s programs.

Planning for Unsupervised Visits 

If you have separated from an abusive partner and are concerned for your children's safety when they visit your ex, developing a safety plan for while they are visiting can be beneficial.

  • Brainstorm with your children (if they are old enough) to come up with ways that they can stay safe using the same model as you would for your own home.

    • Have them tell you where they can get to a phone, how they can leave the house, and who they can go to.

  • If it’s safe to do, send a cell phone with the children to be used in emergency situations — this can be used to call 911, a neighbor or you if they need help.

Planning for Safe Custody Exchanges

  • Avoid exchanging custody at your home or your partner’s home.

  • Meet in a safe, public place such as a restaurant, a bank/other area with lots of cameras, or even near a police station.

  • Bring a friend or relative with you to the exchanges, or have them make the exchange.

  • Perhaps plan to have your partner pick the children up from school at the end of the day after you drop them off in the morning – this eliminates the chances of seeing each other.

  • Emotional safety plan as well – figure out something to do before the exchange to calm any nerves you’re feeling, and something after to focus on yourself or the kids, such as going to a park or doing a fun activity.

How to Have These Conversations

  • Let your children know how much you love them and that you support them no matter what.

  • Tell them that you want to protect them and that you want everyone to be safe, so you have to come up with a plan to use in case of emergencies.


​It’s important to remember that when you’re safety planning with a child, they might tell this information to the abusive partner, which could make the situation more dangerous (ex. “Mom said to do this if you get angry.”)

 

When talking about these plans with your child, use phrases such as “We’re practicing what to do in an emergency,” instead of “We’re planning what you can do when dad/mom becomes violent.”

 

See the full list at The National Domestic Violence Hotline 
 

Answer these questions in a private app on your phone or print out the PDF. After you download it, don't forget to delete the PDF in case your partner checks your phone or computer for downloaded files. This will help you organize and plan when to leave. You do not have to tell your partner that you are leaving. 

After you Leave

Your safety plan should include ways to ensure your continued safety after leaving an abusive relationship. Here are some safety precautions to consider:

  • Change your locks and phone number.

  • Call the telephone company to request caller ID. Ask that your phone number be blocked so that if you call anyone, neither your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your new, unlisted phone number.

  • Change your work hours and the route you take to work.

  • Change the route taken to transport children to school or consider changing your children’s schools.

  • Alert school authorities of the situation.

  • If you have a restraining order, keep a certified copy of it with you at all times

  • Inform friends, neighbors, and employers that you have a restraining order in effect.

  • Call law enforcement to enforce the order and give copies of the restraining order to employers, neighbors, and schools along with a picture of the offender.

  • Consider renting a post office box or using the address of a friend for your mail (be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports, and be careful to whom you give your new address and phone number).

  • Reschedule appointments that the offender is aware of.

  • Use different stores and frequent different social spots.

  • Alert neighbors and request that they call the police if they feel you may be in danger.

  • Replace wooden doors with steel or metal doors. Install security systems if possible.

  • Install a motion sensitive lighting system.

  • Tell people you work with about the situation and have your calls screened by one receptionist if possible.

  • Tell people who take care of your children or drive them/pick them up from school and activities. Explain your situation to them and provide them with a copy of the restraining order.


See the full list at The National Domestic Violence Hotline 
 

First steps
Plan with kids
Plan visits
After you leave
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