Children remember seeing abuse
After seeing violence, children learn that hitting someone is an okay way to force someone to do what you want them to do.
Children are often the hidden silent victims of domestic violence. Some are physically hurt, while other children are frightened witnesses.
Kids exposed to domestic violence are more likely to have experienced:
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emotional abuse
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neglect
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physical abuse
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community violence
Kids grow up hearing that "what happens in this house, stays in this house" by adults. It can be easy to try and place blame on parents who are being abused for not protecting their children.
Abuse rarely stays in the home. It moves through life with kids wherever they go. If we never help them understand abuse isn't their fault, they can carry the burden of the abuse.
Children need at least 1 caring and supportive adult in their lives to help them cope with domestic violence.
How many children witness domestic violence
kids witness domestic violence each year in the US
5 million
40 million
adult Americans grew up living with domestic violence
Children who have experienced domestic violence often meet the
criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD).
What it looks like from the outside
Children in preschool
Young children who witness domestic abuse may act the way they did when they were younger:
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wet the bed
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suck their thumbs
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increased crying
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whining
They may also develop:
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difficulty falling or staying asleep
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show signs of terror, such as stuttering or hiding;
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intense fear and nervousness when a parent leaves (separation anxiety).
School-aged children
Children in this age range may feel:
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guilty about the abuse
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blame themselves for it
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stop taking part in school activities
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grades may start to slip
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and get into trouble more often
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may have a lot of headaches and stomachaches
Teens
Teens who witness abuse may act out in negative ways:
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fighting with family members and at school
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skipping school.
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engage in risky behaviors like having unprotected sex
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and using alcohol or drugs.
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may have low self-esteem
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have trouble making friends.
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may start fights or bully others
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are more likely to get in trouble with the law
This type of behavior is more common in teen boys who are abused in childhood than in teen girls.
Girls are more likely than boys to be withdrawn and to experience depression.
Source: WomensHealth.gov
Children need time to recover and heal after seeing abuse
Support children who have experienced abuse:
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Children who witness or experience domestic violence need to feel safe.
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Consider whether leaving the abusive relationship might help your child feel safer. Talk to your child about the importance of healthy relationships.
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Talk to them about their fears.
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Let them know that it’s not their fault or your fault.
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Learn more about how to listen and talk to your child about domestic violence(link is external).
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Talk to them about healthy relationships.
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Help them learn from the abusive experience by talking about what healthy relationships are and are not. This will help them know what is healthy when they start romantic relationships of their own.
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Talking to them about boundaries.
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Let your child know that no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable, including family members, teachers, coaches, or other authority figures.
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Explain to your child that he or she doesn’t have the right to touch another person’s body, and if someone tells them to stop, they should do so right away
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Don't let kids suffer in silence alone.
They need to know that they are not the only one who has experienced or seen this treatment. Find stories about people they admire who have had similar experiences.
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Help them find a reliable support system.
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School counselors are required to report domestic violence or abuse if they suspect it.
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Get them professional help.
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The therapist can also help your child learn healthy ways to cope with stress.
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Your doctor can recommend a mental health professional who works with children who have been exposed to violence or abuse.
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Many shelters and domestic violence organizations also have support groups for kids. These groups can help children by letting them know they are not alone and helping them process their experiences in a nonjudgmental place.
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Source: WomensHealth.gov
If you decide to leave, you'll need to put a Safety Plan in place. If you decide not to leave, you'll want to put steps in place to protect yourself and your children.
When you're ready to leave, services are available.
